Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
