So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
