Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
