I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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