Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
