So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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