i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
