I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
