Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
