Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
