Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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