The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
