I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
