I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
