You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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