PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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