erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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