your thong is hanging out like whoa
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i will never coherently bang her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
