Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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