Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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