Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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