his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
