Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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