Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
