Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
