He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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