I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
