I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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