My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
