I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
