They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
