so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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