whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
