Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
