I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
