When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
