I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
