I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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