get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
