I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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