just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
