If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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