what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
