Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
