It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
