We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
