My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize