That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
