I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
