She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
