Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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