Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
