how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
