saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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