You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
