It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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