Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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