Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
