I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
