Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
