the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
