Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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